Parenting: show some understanding

What is the most rewarding aspect of being a parent?

“Becoming parents has created an organic shift into a stable, loving, and safe environment for us as a new family of three. There is also the undeniable and infinite love you have for your child; it simply drives you to be the best version of yourself.”

What is the most challenging aspect?

“It can become challenging to balance work and home life. Sometimes we crave a nap or even a lazy Sunday morning, but this isn’t an option with a teething pre-toddler. As new parents, we worry if we’re doing the best we can – that our child thrives in the circumstances we’re providing. We gently remind each other that we’re doing a great job and check in with one another. We often turn to close family members for emotional support – and babysitting too.”

What support is helpful to you as a parent in raising your child? Is this available on Sint Maarten?

“Overall, the island’s infrastructure and commercial spaces could be more child-friendly. Think of pavements, play areas, sitting areas, or even a bench in stores. Especially as a new parent, you’re often carrying a lot of necessities with you and having a place to rest for a few minutes would be great. Our island isn’t stroller-friendly either. So, you often have no choice but to carry your child on the hip.”

What advice do you have for other parents?

“The best advice would be to follow your gut. Many friends, family members, and sometimes even medical professionals will tell you what you should and shouldn’t be doing. Although you should trust medical advice, seeking a second professional opinion is always helpful in case you are unsure. Don’t be afraid to set clear boundaries with friends and family members who often vocalise their opinion.”

Do you have any advice for professionals who work with children?

“When you approach parents, make it clear what your objective is from the beginning. We can adapt, but knowing why you are making a request is comforting. Many parents go through similar struggles, and often we feel unheard. It is best to listen to our concerns without us feeling judged. Also, parents are usually always on the go, offering them flexible hours to meet or even virtual meetings would be ideal.”

Let’s try to humanise parents again; they are still more than just ‘mom or dad’. Parents are individuals who deserve even more kindness and understanding because they’re tired, overworked and maybe stressed too!”

What is the most rewarding aspect of being a parent?

“For me the most rewarding part about being a parent is seeing my child happy and shaping into her own person more and more every day. I love to see how she learns from her environment and interprets it in her unique way.”

What is the most challenging aspect?

“As a parent, I always wonder if I am properly caring for my child and raising her the right way. It worries me how unsafe the world can be. There are many dangers for children, such as abuse, molestation, and kidnapping. I try my best to keep up with the news and read about what signs and behavioural changes to look for in my child that can indicate any trauma. I keep a very close eye on everyone involved in my child’s life.”

What support is helpful to you as a parent in raising your child? Is this available on Sint Maarten?

“In my experience, nurses, day care teachers, and government workers have always shown kindness and done their best regarding my child’s needs.

Regarding improvements, I have seen first-hand how hard it is for some parents to have a work-life balance. It’s a challenge for parents to spend time with their kids because they are working multiple jobs. I have a few solutions. Firstly, the minimum wage is lower than most rental prices on the island, so raising the minimum wage is only fair. Otherwise, lower-income families should have access to subsidised housing or rental allowance. Secondly, encourage more workplaces to have on-site day care if they have the space to do so. Furthermore, educational opportunities for lower-income families should be made more readily available on the island. Lastly, we should advertise more about the importance of mental health programs to the general public.

“I have seen first-hand how hard it is for some parents to have a work-life balance”

In addition, appropriate authorities should enforce stricter rules regarding who is allowed to work around children. Too often, we hear of teachers, coaches, and principals grooming children and abuse occurring in professional settings, settings that should be safe for children.”

What advice do you have for other parents?

“Family is the foundation of our learning, and too often, when kids do not get the attention they desire from their parents, they resort to finding it in all the wrong places.

It’s important to make your children feel safe and understood so that they come to you for help instead of turning to others. As a parent, you are your kid’s first love, best friend, and hero. They watch everything we do. If their behaviour is unbecoming, it is best to question yourself first. Reflect and figure out where they could have learned this behaviour, if not from you, think about who else they are spending time with. If we want to have healthy, happy, and respectful children, we must set that example.”

What is the most rewarding aspect of being a parent?

“I appreciate the little moments where you can feel unconditional love between yourself and your children. It is also great to experience through my children how they see the world in their unique way.”

What is the most challenging aspect?

“They have their own character and go through phases. For example, one day, they love to eat something, and the next, they hate it. Keeping up with their individual characters and phases can be a challenge. Sometimes, as parents, we don’t have all the answers. There is no guideline for parents to see if they’re doing the right thing. I see every new situation as a learning experience; if one thing doesn’t work, I try the next.”

What do you worry most about as a parent, and how do you cope with these worries?

“Making sure that the people my kids are around, whether they are other adults or their friends, are good and trustworthy people. I want my children to have good values and confidence to pick the right friends and, later, the right partner – people with good intentions for them. This is slightly different for my sons and daughter. I do have extra caution for my daughter regarding whom she trusts to spend time and be alone with.”

What support is helpful to you as a parent in raising your children? Is this available on Sint Maarten?

“I am a healthcare worker, so my expertise helps me raise my children. In my capacity as a parent, I have missed having more safe and clean outdoor areas to spend time with my children, such as parks or playgrounds. We have a few on the island, but many are not maintained. In addition, many families in Sint Maarten can benefit from more language education and support. Not all children speak English or Dutch at home, and due to this, these children may not reach their full potential in our schools – and often fall behind in classes or are sent to a level below their capabilities.”

“In my home, everyone can have an opinion; even my 4-year-old shares his views with us”

What advice do you have for other parents?

“Communication, trust, and respect is a ‘two-way street’. In my home, everyone can have an opinion; even my 4-year-old shares his views with us. This creates a good bond between our family and sets a foundation to tackle hard days. For example, if I have a stressful day and raise my voice, my daughter will observe when I am more settled or calm to approach me and say: ‘mom, I did not like that.’ At that moment, I humble myself and apologize and explain why I lost my temper. When your children feel comfortable talking to you about their feelings, they will also feel more confident that they can come to you if they are in trouble.”

Do you have any advice for professionals who work with children?

“When I talk to parents, I try to understand their perspectives. I don’t want them to feel that I am telling them what to do but rather supporting them. In my work, I have met mothers who say: ‘I am not fit for this.’ They feel that they need to do a better job. I try to encourage and reassure them – and remind them to celebrate the little steps. One milestone at a time, one phase at a time, one day at a time.  Perfect doesn’t exist for me, but we can surely work towards the best me as a parent, every day.”